Imagine this…
A woman gets the worst news of her life... she has cancer. Imagine all the feelings she must be going through internally. Imagine her having to tell her grown children and grand kids. Imagine her living with this disease everyday and wanting to fight it with everything in her because she loves her family with every fiber of her being and refuses to leave them if she could help it at all.
Here is a story about how losing a loved one can completely change a person's behavior and destroy a family forever.
From the moment she was diagnosed with this disease things changed drastically. Everyone had an opinion on how she should feel, how she should act, how she should choose her treatments. Everyone loved this woman, no one wanted to lose her. It was of course all with her best interest at heart, but it had to be a lot for her to take.
With cancer, treatments move quickly, it has to with every day counting. Treatments began within a few weeks. Her whole family went with her to her appointments because they had always been a very close family. She lived with her oldest daughter for years and she worked with her youngest daughter almost everyday since the daughter started working at the young age of 13. Her only son had been a mama’s boy since he was little and wanted to be involved all he could. She also had her husband there as well.
Their first oncology appointments were very informative and everything looked to be going well and everyone was hopeful. Stage 2 Pancreatic Cancer was what she was diagnosed with. Her doctors wanted to do a two month round of chemo before scheduling a surgery to try and extract all the cancer cells for a hopefully full recovery. By this time family meetings had occurred and everything was said to be done as a unit and with everyone being made aware of all aspects of the disease and treatment plans.
Her two daughters and son had already started making plans to take days off of work when needed to help facilitate doctors appointments and chemo treatments. The husband had yet to make any such plans. It really wasn't anything new, work and money had always ruled the husband’s life so him not wanting to miss work wasn’t a surprise. With not wanting to spend money being important to the husband it was a bit of a surprise when the mom and her husband decided to finally get their own place.
Both daughters had been next door neighbors for years along with the mother who had been living with the eldest daughter. The mom and her husband decided to stay in the area since a unit opened up next door to the daughters. They would all stay neighbors, which everyone was happy about at the time. (No one could imagine what a nightmare it would become once the mother passed away.) Days passed and everyone was dealing with the disease as best they could. It wasn’t long after the diagnosis when things started to take a turn for the worse.
The mom was still working everyday of the week at that point. Lower back pain was very common with pancreatic cancer, but before long her pain had sent her to the doctor. After getting a thorough check up she was sent home and was told it was just part of her cancer.
The mom was able to withstand the pain for a few days before it became unbearable. While at work with her youngest daughter one day, she decided she could no longer take it and had to go to the emergency room. There was no way that her daughter was going to allow her mother to drive herself to the hospital in that much pain. They both left work early that day. The husband of course was made aware of the situation and said when his work day was over he would go over to the hospital. Hours later he showed up. They still hadn't given the mom a room so they waited and waited. She was to be admitted that was a given. The husband made arrangements to stay the night, but said he couldn't miss work so was going to leave at 3:00 am.
No one could have anticipated all that would happen next.
The next two weeks would be the worst pain the mom had ever felt. She would end up needing a life altering surgery, but we’ll get to that a little later. The doctors knew the mom had cancer, but couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. The mom was vomiting green liquid, which she herself compared to a scene in the movie "The Exorcist". The pain had gotten severely worse, pain medication had stopped working. The doctors tested her and gave her scans for everything they could think of. It was finally determined that she had an obstruction. Everyone had been hopeful that it would pass on its own, but if not then a surgery would be necessary.
At this point the family was beyond stressed. They all hated seeing the mom in so much pain and distress. The husband was still going to work as usual. Things were bad, but still a little normal.
One day after work the youngest daughter went to visit and brought her daughter, the mom’s granddaughter, with her. The mom was resting as she’d been throwing up all day and was exhausted. It was at that time the husband decided it would be good to have a discussion with the daughter.
That conversation escalated quickly.
Both daughter and husband were on edge with all that had been occurring and both were very strong willed individuals. The husband told the daughter that it had been decided that he would start a “go-fund me” page to get money for everything that was going to add up. The daughter didn't agree with that decision. She tried to explain to the husband that it wasn't the right time to start something like that. She knew a lot about the money her mother and step dad had. She knew that combined they had over 100,000 saved in their bank accounts and a safety deposit box, plus the husband would brag to anyone who would listen that he had 450,000 in his 401K that he could pull out at any time without being penalized. Knowing that he wasn’t hurting for money was what made the whole “go-fund me” idea feel wrong. The sad thing was that idea would be the first of many attempts to con money out of his wife’s family and friends by using her illness.
The mom had medical insurance paid fully by her employer. Her employer was also paying her full weekly pay. Her husband hadn't missed a day of work either. There may be a time when a “go-fund me” might be appropriate, but that time was not then. That opinion did not sit well with the husband, his demeanor changed instantly. His attitude did a quick 180 and he expressed that it was up to him to decide when it was a good time to do it. He often said,"Nobody plays with my money." And that quote quickly crossed the daughter's mind. It was as if he was angry the daughter was trying to take away free money from him. It didn't matter to him that the people who would donate were people who needed the money themselves, but would do it out of the kindness of their hearts when he had more money than everyone combined. It just felt so wrong.
One thing to know about the husband is that money makes his world go round. (You can roll your eyes if you want, but it's honestly the truth.) It was known by everyone that knew him. This man was a very greedy man. He liked to act as if he was poor. Any and every bit of money he could get from people he would take gladly with a smile on his face, that included lending money to people and charging them interest on it. If he lent you 20.00 you better believe you'd be paying him back 25.00. If he could get things for free it was the best day of his life. So knowing he could start this fund to give him free money so that he wouldn't have to come out of pocket to pay for any bills his wife was accumulating he wanted to do it. His reaction to the daughter telling him to hold off wasn't a surprise to her at all.
That wasn't it though. He wasn't through telling the daughter how things were going to be financially. His next topic of conversation was moving the mom to a different city. Remember, just a month earlier the mom had already moved into a new apartment. The husband said money was tight and he wanted to move the mom to her own mother’s house to save on rent money, despite them both still having full incomes coming in and a separate cancer insurance was purchased 20 years prior. A lot of the monetary occurrences that had to do with her cancer would be reimbursed to them.
That didn't sit well with the daughter at all. She wanted her mom to stay living next door to her and it was what was best to help her mom with everything pertaining to her illness. She got defensive and argumentative, anyone would have when being told their sick mother was being moved away. The daughter told him no. That that was not a good idea and she didn't want that to happen, that neither would her sister or brother. That their mom was really sick and they wanted to be close to her and living next door was a good thing for everyone.
Well, the husband did not like the daughter stating her strong opinion. In an instant he got very angry and started to yell in the hospital room with the mom resting in bed and the granddaughter sitting near listening to everything. He said he was tired of the daughter coming in with a negative attitude, telling him no for the “go-fund me” and now trying to tell him no to moving HIS wife, almost like he didn’t care that she was also THEIR mother. He said she was his wife and all decisions were up to him and him alone.
He continued saying that if he wanted to start the fund he would and if he wanted to move his wife he would. He went on to say that he didn't care what her daughters and son had to say about his decision. He was the decision maker.
By that time the mom had woken up and was trying to calm down the husband. He wouldn't hear of it. He continued to yell and tell both the mom and daughter that no, he would not calm down, he was going to do what he wanted, and if moving was what he wanted to do it would be done. He then looked at the daughter and told her that she could tell her brother and sister what he said and that he didn’t care what they had to say, and if she didn't like it she could leave. He actually threw the daughter out of her very ill mother’s hospital room all without a second thought.
The daughter left, but not before yelling back that he was a horrible man and this was disgusting behavior. She and the granddaughter left. The mom was there crying and upset and was now yelling at the husband.
It was later found out that the mom kicked the husband out of her room as well for his behavior. She told him he needed to apologize if he wanted to come back. The husband left and went home to cry and play victim. He swore he'd done nothing wrong and apologized to the granddaughter. Not the daughter.
It was probably around that time the husband's dislike began to grow towards the youngest daughter. She was a very strong willed person who stood up for herself and others when they were being mistreated. She was just like her mother. The husband didn't like that at all. He never wanted to hear when he was wrong, he would just get angry and try and shut you down. These traits would cause both husband and daughter to butt heads quite a bit in the future.
The months to come would only get worse for the husband and the woman's children. That day was the turning point and the beginning of the destruction and demise of their family unit.
Start Chapter 2 - The Hospital Stay