That call and everything else that the husband had done throughout the last year had become too much and the youngest daughter decided enough was enough, she needed to distance herself from the man for a little bit. Both her brother and sister decided they needed to do the same. No one was going to forget about him but they needed some time to think about things and get over everything.
A person can't say and do all the things the husband had done the last year and a half and expect for the people he hurt not to have feelings and reactions about them.
Well deciding to take some time for themselves to try and heal didn't sit well with the husband. He once again began feeling like no one was giving him the attention he needed. He began calling and texting and showing up at the kids houses unannounced. If they were at work and couldn't answer his call he'd immediately go on a text message tirade and once they saw their phone there would be about 10 messages from the husband basically trying to make them feel bad for not answering his call. No one was ignoring him, they would answer his calls and text messages when they could, but they also didn't seek him out to spend time with him like they all had before. He would text things to try to manipulate and make them feel bad and guilty for not spending enough time with him. That behavior was upsetting for the daughters. They were already having to deal with all their feelings and emotions of losing their mom and trying to move forward. They didn't need a grown man telling them things that made them feel bad.
The things he was texting them were hurtful and was obviously said to get a reaction from them. They didn't need to hear that they were a disappointment to their mother, that she wanted him taken care of and they weren't doing what they were asked to do. He would even text his granddaughter that she was hurting him by not going to see him and that one day he wouldn't be around anymore and what was she going to do then. The things he would say to try to manipulate and hurt the granddaughter was unacceptable and only furthered to upset the family and push them away.
The messages he'd send his granddaughter came after she tried spending time with him on multiple occasions. They just weren't at times when he was available and so they didn't count to him. She'd even offered to spend her week long spring break home from college at his house to keep him company, but he turned her down. He said he was too busy to have her stay with him. That was one thing you need to know about the husband, he wanted things done on his time. When he was free or bored he wanted you to spend time with him, but if you were the one free and called to see him he ignored your calls or texts.
The youngest daughter took it upon herself to finally go talk to him and tell him how he was making them feel. After the sister sent her screenshots of messages she’d received moments earlier from the husband. Messages stating that their mother in heaven was disappointed in them for not keeping in touch with him, for not being a family with him, that she needed to think about what her mother wanted from her. The messages were not the first stating almost the same things and they wouldn't be the last ones. No one wanted to hear those things and no one wanted to be made to feel guilty for not giving him the attention he wanted.
The daughter walked over to his house where her own husband already was helping the stepdad with things he'd asked for help with. He excused himself when he noticed they needed to have a serious conversation. She told the stepdad he needed to stop. That it wasn't okay that he kept sending messages to make them feel bad. That everyone was dealing with losing their mom the best that they could and his words were hurtful. He said he too was doing the best that he could, but it was hard.
The husband continued to say that all he did was see the mom everywhere he went. He said all he did was cry. The daughter told him she knew it was all going to be okay that they all hurt too. He went on to yell that they didn't hurt like he did. That comment once again was unnecessary. The daughter decided to ignore his insensitive attempt to discount their feelings and tried to give him advice. She told him that maybe it would help him if he started to put some of the mother's things away. She offered to get everyone together to help pack up the mother's belongings.
That upset him and he said no, that he wasn't going to allow anyone to tell him how he needed to act. He said he was sad and there was nothing anyone could do. The daughter said okay but that if everything stayed the same it was like they were waiting for her to come back and she wasn't coming back. She told him it was too hard being around him when all he wanted to do was cry and talk about their mom. He constantly felt the need to talk about when she was sick and at the oncologist and what could they have done differently. Those were not the things they wanted to keep thinking about. Right now everything was still so new and fresh that it was just easier to not think about their mom all the time because it just made everyone cry.
The daughter had asked the husband if he could please stop talking about the mother and how she looked when she was sick, that it was too hard remembering things like that. He said okay and then proceeded to do the opposite and talked about how she looked when she walked in her walker and how fragile she looked sitting down. Those were all the things no one should have to remember about someone they loved. She didn't understand why he wanted to keep dwelling on all the negative memories about his wife. There were so so so many good memories they should be thinking about not those ugly ones.
Those memories immediately did what they always did, they made the daughter cry. All everyone did was cry lately and it was too much, she raised her voice and asked him to again stop. That she didn't want to think about that stuff anymore, that it was too hard. She told him that wasn't what the mother would want from them. He went on to say that the mother also wouldn't want them to stop being a family. The daughter said they were still a family, but a lot had happened and time was needed. He again went on to say that it was her wish for them to take care of him. The daughter knew that was coming. She knew he would try to manipulate her into feeling guilty.
He was acting as if he were a child that needed constant attention. He’d been acting this way for a long time now. If it wasn’t throwing himself onto the ground and crying in front of a crowd of people it was yelling that no one had the right to tell him how to grieve or it was walking around people carrying the bible. Everything by him is done for attention and if the attention wasn't given he'd get upset and say you were ignoring him. It was all just too much.
The things he said, the way he was trying to make her feel guilty was unacceptable. She told him that he couldn't pick and choose which wishes of her mother's he wanted to be honored. He'd promised his wife before she passed away that he wouldn't go back to his old ways and drink again since it almost killed him many years prior and he had already been out drinking numerous times. The look on his face when he realized she knew what he'd been doing was of surprise. He hadn’t expected her to know what he'd been doing.
Looking back now the look of surprise wasn't because she knew he'd been out drinking, it was because he thought she knew who he'd been going out drinking with. It was another woman. He'd been seeing another woman and going out drinking with her since 27 days after putting his wife in the ground. Maybe even before that, that was just the first time he was caught. You know what they say, people who move on after a relationship so quickly it's because the person was already there before the relationship ended. And that was something all the children believed. It explained why he always got home from work hours late, it explained why he was always glued to his phone, it explained why he was always disappearing from the hospital, it explained where he was on Christmas. It explained everything to them. There was no doubt in their minds that this woman had to have been around in some way shape or form all the while their mom was dying from cancer.
(The husband would later after the argument call her daughter, his granddaughter while she was away at college and ask her if she told her mother about seeing him out with the other woman. He'd seriously thought it was okay to talk to her about another woman. After the granddaughter told him no she hadn't told her mom anything he let her know that was a good choice. He let her know that under no circumstance was she to tell her mother what she saw that night. He had no shame asking his granddaughter to keep a secret from her mother. He went on to say that nobody needed to know his business and if she said anything it would only make people think badly about him and that wasn't what she wanted right? He went straight to guilt and manipulating his granddaughter to try and get what he wanted. It was disgusting. The granddaughter not wanting to upset her grandpa agreed to continue keeping his secret from her mom.)
The daughter went on to say that he could do what he wanted but that he needed to realize that they all were going to do what they needed to do to get through losing their mom.
The husband looked at the daughter and said that they should all be happy that he agreed to let them have a part of their mother's money. That it should go a long way especially since there had been no conversation about doing so with his wife. He again asked why no one said anything to him while she was still alive. It was as if he was trying to pick a fight with her.
The daughter knew right then that he still thought she and her sister and brother were lying about what their mother wanted to happen with her money. She told him that she was not a liar and that yes they were grateful that he didn't give them a hard time, but that no matter how he reacted she was going to make sure that what the mother wanted was going to happen with her money. If they were going to lie about what their mom wanted why put him in it? Why not say that she wanted the money to be split between only the kids? That would have put more money into their pockets and it could have been done because she'd been in control of that money and it had all been distributed evenly. But that wasn't what was discussed, their mom did love her husband and she did say she wanted him to be included in the money split.
The conversation quickly turned and a fight was definitely what he was looking for. He told her she lied about the life insurance paper and that she had turned his words against him about the conversation about them not having any say so once he passed away. The daughter was angry to once again be called a liar by this man. She said okay and that if she was wrong about the insurance to tell her what exactly he had the mother sign. He responded that he couldn't remember. This coming from a man that could tell you what you were wearing down to your socks five years ago was just not to be believed. He remembered everything just not what paper he had the mother sign only months prior. Everything that came out of his mouth had been a lie lately. If it made him look better he’d say it.
The conversation went back and forth and the daughter tried to leave but he wouldn't let her. She again told him they needed time, that too much had happened and all she saw when she looked at him was how he made her mother cry that day and apologize for being a burden, and him kicking her out of the hospital and threatening to call the cops on her and how he always disappeared for hours when he should have been spending time with her mother while he could.
The husband did not like being called out on all his past indiscretions. He said he was always at the hospital and anyone who said otherwise was lying. He reiterated that nothing the daughter said happened by wagging his finger in her face.
The conversation was going nowhere fast so the daughter finally made her way to the door and left. He'd called her a liar for the last time. He had made her feel unwelcome in her mother's house too many times. That was going to be the last time she stepped foot in that house and that was going to be the last time she talked to a man she used to call her stepdad.
Their relationship was over. Too much was said and done by the both of them. Too much to get over. Sometimes it was better to just leave things alone though. It was sad. This man had been in her life since she was three years old. No way did she think their relationship would end this way. But it had and there was no turning back.